Okay, right...
Just imagine that you are an Observer.
Your mission is to monitor English Premiership football for a week, just to assess what sort of messages the sport is putting out.
An Observer carrying out an Atmospheric Analysis.
Today, on completion, her Report Card might read: "No Integrity. A Simulacrum. Criminalised Match Outcomes. ###########################. Nepotism. Slave Trading and Coercion. Disguised Takeovers and Ownership. A Gambling Medium. Insider Trading. No Style."
And, with a shake of her head, the Observer would leave...
She left behind a list of Pertinent Observations.
* As the only person to be punished in any way whatsoever over the BBC Panorama bungs programme, Kevin Bond must have been as surprised as anyone when he was given the 2nd in command post at Tottenham.
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Is such an appointment valid in the light of the current highlighting of issues of integrity?
* And, why were the public announcements of Redknapp's resignation ############ ####################### and the sacking of Juande Ramos released overnight on Saturday?
The gaming of this knowledge in the marketplace was excessive, and no insiders should be allowed to trade on hyperrealities in the markets in this manner.
All betting markets were heavily disrupted by this collusion between those in-the-know and those in the mainstream media who held onto the story.
This is market manipulation.
* Under Ramos, Tottenham were very heavily targeted by the powers-that-be. #############################################################################
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Comparatively, Spurs had more key decisions in their favour in Redknapp's first game in charge against Bolton than they had in Ramos's entire reign!
Perhaps Keith Hackett might like to offer some explanation for this inversion?
* On the very day that Redknapp's resignation was announced, the fixture list gave us the footballing equivalent of the Bumper - the heavily gambled final race, where leisure gamblers take excessive risks in order to disguise earlier losses.
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* Then the Observer noted the situation ############################### Rob Styles. Allegedly rested after a couple of high profile errors, the permanently-smugly-grinning-one was sneaked onto the biggest game of the season to date instead, as 4th Official for Chelsea v Liverpool.
And, just in case anybody were to get the idea that refereeing appointments are made meritocratically, Styles has also been given since his supposed punishment, in addition to this massive 4th official slot, the 4th Official role at Villa v Blackburn, he is at Stoke refereeing Arsenal this afternoon and he made a horrendous mistake at the end of a Championship game in midweek. This error was criticised by both bosses.
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* The match between Fulham and Wigan was a massively rigged insider event as we have already posted.
There was extensive knowledge across the English game about this match pre-event.
The sloppiness of the structure was significant when compared with the far more sophisticated Asian cornering of markets.
There are highly creative ways to scam a football match - Fulham v Wigan was not one of them.
* Meanwhile, Carlos Tevez is in netherworld. Ferguson cannot afford to pick him; the Premier League cannot contort its incredibly flexible rules to allow a reading of them that might prevent Richard Scudamore, the Premier League chief executive, having to resign for gross incompetence. And the owners of the man's life are not letting go of their advantage.
Scudamore has painted himself into a corner on this one.
Perhaps he should flee to Thailand...?
* Abu Dhabi United, not content with having taken over Abu Dhabi United, are now taking over Barclays Bank too. Barclays with very close financial links to 50% of the teams in the Premiership sought foreign investment rather than be governed by the pesky rules that the British government is imposing as part of the deal on the Huge Handout. Qatar has bought into the Premiership Bank too.
* The Respect campaign, brought in to stop people complaining about match officials corrupting match outcomes, is being serially disrespected with several Premiership managers refusing to attend the marketing seminar being put on to sell this nonsense.
If you want respect, do your job properly.
The refereeing job, that would be...
Mark Hughes was asked whether he had seen referee Lee Mason after the referee's entertaining reading of the rules of the game at the Riverside on Wednesday.
"Did you get a chance to speak to the referee after the game?"
"No, there's no point."
* Elsewhere, the insanity appeared viral in nature, with Wenger reckoning that Walcott is better than Messi, and that Arsenal can still win the title. Yeah right! While Chelsea, after not having lost at home since time immemorial, suffered the Wilkins Effect - a colossal wave of incompetence that descends on all entities to which Butch leeches.
Wilkins...
Why?
And, while all this had been going on, I logged online this morning expecting that the Guardian might provide us with some coverage on this massive turbulence impacting upon the integrity of the game.
Especially as individuals involved in some of the above nonsenses are linked to this paper...
Instead, I got really important self-promotion from their intra-hero, Russell Brand.
The Guardian Football Section is becoming like a criminalised bunch of public school prefects linking with the murky peripheries of the underworld, for personal gain.
I don't care about Mr Brand, and his and his cohorts nasal shenanigans.
I would prefer journalism rather than an adolescent comic.
This newspaper never recovered from supporting the Blairite line on the invasion of Irag.
As Tony Benn says: "From Stalin to Blair, there isn't much difference."
But don't think that the global wave of simulacra are merely linked to the sport of football.
The final irony of the onset of the Depression and the robbing-of-the-poor-to-pay-for-the-rich, are the diamond studded credit cards that Mastercard are now introducing.
Excellent.
Identity cards...
...First against the wall...
Anyway, I'm moving to Argentina...
...Maradona, Maradona, Maradona...
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