Die Yeung! Betting Baron Continues With Porn Barons' Little Funeral Earner
Cremated remains of the deceased interred at St Andrew’s Stadium in the presence of family and friends: £60
Hire of the club flag to drape over the coffin: £10
Inscribed memorial brick placed at St Andrew's Stadium: £50
Four-line entry in the Book of Remembrance at St Andrew’s Stadium: £60
And, who would want anything more before being laid to rest than the final option -
Funeral cortege pause at the club grounds at St Andrew’s Stadium: no charge
Yep! No charge.
But there is a proviso in small print 'where route allows'.
Sullivan and Gold probably raid the graves as part of their feud with the Billionaire Betting Barber.
Who Are You?
Undoubtedly the most postmodern of football chants.
But.
'Tis not even modernist.
Just as every single human being must learn the current pseudo-utterance phrase today, so it was 170 years ago when this chant first appeared in London.
Following on from the equally memorable "Quoz" and "Oh! What a shocking bad hat!", "Who are you" spread through the mire like wildfire.
Charles Mackay: "The phrase was uttered quickly, and with a sharp sound upon the first and last words, leaving the middle one little more than an aspiration."
"Who Are You" is omnicultural, omnisocial and omnipresent.
It may be either progressive or regressive, and it is always dismissive.
Comparable with the excellent practice in Romanian society when, after an authority has delivered fulsome 'proof' of a particular stance or attitude, the listener simply responds: "And?"...
Katyń Catastrophe - The Conspiracy
The Russians spent decades claiming that the slaughter of 20,000 Polish officers and intelligentsia at Katyń was a German war crime when, all along, it was one of Stalin's.
The Katyń issue between the two countries is like a hugely inflated Bloody Sunday.
The Katyń movie was made under the patronage of Lech Kaczyński.
That he and a current selection of the Polish 'elite' were taken out/died in April 10th's aircrash is a thoroughly Putinesque Politkovskaya sort of neohyperreality.
That the volcanic plume meant that none of the world 'elite' were able to attend the funerals is only to be fated.
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological. You may share using our article tools. Please don't cut articles from Football Is Fixed and redistribute by email or post to the web.
Monday 19 April 2010
Thursday 15 April 2010
There's Loads Of You And You're Still A Pile Of Shite
Just as the North West of England, with 8 of the ScudamoreWorld teams, is the epicentre of English football, certain nations can lay claim to being global hotspots of talent allowing the said nation to punch well above their collective weight on the FIFA scene.
We thought, with 75 days to go before England's Penalty Shoot-Out Quarter Final exit, that we should check where these oases of beauty lie.
We need two figures to undertake this simple calculation - the population of the country and the FIFA Ranking.
Unfortunately, the FIFA Rankings are highly non-linear and so, for a more meaningful yet simplistic overview, we have chosen to rank the nations by i) population (1st to 32nd) and ii) FIFA Rankings (1st to 32nd).
So, for example, the Hyperimperium with 309 million wage slaves, ranks highest in terms of total population (if not popular intellect) but only 13th in the Soccerball Ratings - a Rating of -12.
Meanwhile, Uruguay with just 3 million souls is the second least populated country in the tournament and yet is 15th in the footballing hierarchy - a Rating of +16 (31-15).
One might hazard to suggest that there is a significantly greater football culture in the former World Cup winning nation. In fact, there are grounds for suggesting that Uruguay has been the greatest territory over the 80 years of Jules Rimet And All That.
If we were to become pernickety about it, we could include other disequilibrium inputs eg GDP, political biases within FIFA, the impact of war etc but then we would be putting together a mini-model for you and we don't want to be doing the likes of that.
Also, it is obviously difficult for highly populated countries to rank positively in our hierarchy, and we would suggest that any positive figure for the top ten nations (Spa, Bra, Neth, Por, Ita, Ger, Eng, Fra, Arg and Gre) is a good thing.
So, who should you avoid having a kickabout on the beach with this summer, and who should you seek out to humiliate with your limited ball retention skills?
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 Top Six
1. PORTUGAL +19
2. NETHERLANDS +18
3. URUGUAY +16
4. GREECE +12
4. SERBIA +12
6. SPAIN +11
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 Bottom Six
32. JAPAN -24
31. SOUTH AFRICA -20
30. SOUTH KOREA -19
29. NORTH KOREA -17
28. NIGERIA -16
27. USA -12
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 FIFA Top Ten Ranking Teams
PORTUGAL +19
NETHERLANDS +18
GREECE +12
SPAIN +11
ARGENTINA +4
ITALY +3
ENGLAND +2
BRAZIL 0
GERMANY 0
FRANCE -1
All of which goes to show that, apart from the Dutch, nobody in Northern Europe should be bounced into thinking that we are any good at this sport.
Still, with Barack Obama agreeing to attend the Final in Jo'burg if the US team gets there, one should always remember that the outcomes of these stand alone tournaments are decided in some very murky corridors indeed.
Meanwhile, we are thinking, once again, of producing our "Anyone But England" Flags - if some Glasgow Rangers fan is able to make thousands standing outside Old Trafford selling green and gold deludo-scarves, why shouldn't a Mancunian stand outside Ibrox selling "Anyone But England" Flags?
And while we are on really important issues, how much tax have the repeated newspaper images cost the green and gold deludo-scarf seller?
But.
Does Glasgow do tax?
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological. You may share using our article tools. Please don't cut articles from Football Is Fixed and redistribute by email or post to the web.
We thought, with 75 days to go before England's Penalty Shoot-Out Quarter Final exit, that we should check where these oases of beauty lie.
We need two figures to undertake this simple calculation - the population of the country and the FIFA Ranking.
Unfortunately, the FIFA Rankings are highly non-linear and so, for a more meaningful yet simplistic overview, we have chosen to rank the nations by i) population (1st to 32nd) and ii) FIFA Rankings (1st to 32nd).
So, for example, the Hyperimperium with 309 million wage slaves, ranks highest in terms of total population (if not popular intellect) but only 13th in the Soccerball Ratings - a Rating of -12.
Meanwhile, Uruguay with just 3 million souls is the second least populated country in the tournament and yet is 15th in the footballing hierarchy - a Rating of +16 (31-15).
One might hazard to suggest that there is a significantly greater football culture in the former World Cup winning nation. In fact, there are grounds for suggesting that Uruguay has been the greatest territory over the 80 years of Jules Rimet And All That.
If we were to become pernickety about it, we could include other disequilibrium inputs eg GDP, political biases within FIFA, the impact of war etc but then we would be putting together a mini-model for you and we don't want to be doing the likes of that.
Also, it is obviously difficult for highly populated countries to rank positively in our hierarchy, and we would suggest that any positive figure for the top ten nations (Spa, Bra, Neth, Por, Ita, Ger, Eng, Fra, Arg and Gre) is a good thing.
So, who should you avoid having a kickabout on the beach with this summer, and who should you seek out to humiliate with your limited ball retention skills?
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 Top Six
1. PORTUGAL +19
2. NETHERLANDS +18
3. URUGUAY +16
4. GREECE +12
4. SERBIA +12
6. SPAIN +11
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 Bottom Six
32. JAPAN -24
31. SOUTH AFRICA -20
30. SOUTH KOREA -19
29. NORTH KOREA -17
28. NIGERIA -16
27. USA -12
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 FIFA Top Ten Ranking Teams
PORTUGAL +19
NETHERLANDS +18
GREECE +12
SPAIN +11
ARGENTINA +4
ITALY +3
ENGLAND +2
BRAZIL 0
GERMANY 0
FRANCE -1
All of which goes to show that, apart from the Dutch, nobody in Northern Europe should be bounced into thinking that we are any good at this sport.
Still, with Barack Obama agreeing to attend the Final in Jo'burg if the US team gets there, one should always remember that the outcomes of these stand alone tournaments are decided in some very murky corridors indeed.
Meanwhile, we are thinking, once again, of producing our "Anyone But England" Flags - if some Glasgow Rangers fan is able to make thousands standing outside Old Trafford selling green and gold deludo-scarves, why shouldn't a Mancunian stand outside Ibrox selling "Anyone But England" Flags?
And while we are on really important issues, how much tax have the repeated newspaper images cost the green and gold deludo-scarf seller?
But.
Does Glasgow do tax?
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological. You may share using our article tools. Please don't cut articles from Football Is Fixed and redistribute by email or post to the web.
Sunday 11 April 2010
The Ball's In Our COURT. We Intend To Keep IT There #
We're Forever Blowing Bubbles, Helium Inflated Premier League Olympic Stadium Competition Distorting Bubbles In The Air
With the Porn Barons countersuing the Billionaire Betting Barber, a financial situation both murky and opaque, ##############################################, the London Depression Olympics and a relegation battle to boot.
Things are never dull in the East.
But having been fakely and falsely supported by ScudamoreWorld after all of the dodginess relating to Tevez and Mascherano and their indentured third party arrangements with a whole host of shady characters, and unbelievably allowed to maintain their Premier League place with no points deduction.
And following this on with a financial meltdown resulting in the delayed publishing of financial reports and accounts etc etc.
On the day after the victory that may well secure ScudamoreWorld participation for another year, who should we be to dampen the East London euphoria?
But the 2nd Most Favoured Team in the Premier League this year has been West Ham United.
Despite everything.
And the Most Favoured Team?
#############################################################
In ScudamoreWorld, gambling and porn pays.
Premier League Spooky Coincidence #1819
Who have been the referees for the six FA Cup Semi Finals covering the last three seasons?
Howard Webb and Alan Wiley, that's who...
Where Are Rafa's Loyalties Now? Where Are Rafa's Royalties Now?
Putting his personal CV ahead of the team that he manages? With his reputation? When he is scarpering off to Italy in the summer? With all those loyal fans still reluctantly believing in him enough to utter his name in chant?
Forget the Champions League fourth position financial necessity.
The Europa Cup is much more conducive to future earnings and priorities are lop-sided accordingly despite the chutzpah emanating from Rafa's collection of mouths.
An aside.
Precisely 0% of Real Madrid fans wish for Benitez to be the next FC Franco manager.
Correct they are...
The UEFA Cup Final 'triumph' against Marseille was a Barthez Affair [sending off and a penalty conceded], the Champions League 'triumph' against Milan was despite Rafa rather than because of him, the FA Cup 'triumph' versus West Ham United was ###############################################################, and last year's 2nd place was ScudamoreWorld-inflated.
Overrated and overpaid.
Already.
Soon to be richer still?
The difference between the top tier and the rest in management - the premier managers are devoted to the club strategically, the lesser plan only in the short term and from a personal perspective.
All those transfers between Merseyside and Madrid...
Robbie Keane at 55 grand a day...
Financial crisis due to leveraged debt and no Champions League place...
Hyperreal Hooligans
Louise Taylor understands football.
Louise Taylor writes for The Guardian.
Louise Taylor knows her working class social history from her post-imperial private education in the Middle East.
Louise Taylor reckons that she perceives the whereabouts of all the delinquents who used to be classed as 'football hooligans' - they now all write blogs denigrating the great and the good who are minting the game for their own proprietary benefits.
#################################################################################
##############################################################################
#################################################################################
############################################################################
But we do prepare a blog and it targets people within the game so we read Taylor's deep thoughts with interest.
"There is an unfairness inherent in seeing people ridiculed and their reputations trashed by anonymous, factually challenged, half-wits who would probably never dare say "boo" to the object of their vitriol's face. Even worse, the suspicion is that witch-hunts are sometimes manufactured by the same numbskull submitting multiple comments via different usernames."
No comment.
Absolutely no comment in this place :)
"Really. Is this how the media works?" was Martin O'Neill's response to being informed that the 'rumours' surrounding his tenure at Villa Park were released on the web.
Unfortunately so, yes.
If the mainstream media that employs the likes of Louise Taylor were to report on the Reality of the sport in ScudamoreWorld, there would be no need for 'concerned hooligan of Scunthorpe' to waste their time pointing out the bleeding obvious.
Still.
Fortunately our privileged journalist has a solution - a reincarnation of the extreme modes of discipline that she experienced at her strict private school.
Yep, that should solve footballs ills...
Flog a Blogger.
Introduce it as half time entertainment.
Other Floggers To Be Blogged.
Half-witted.
Or what?
* All posts labelled # are only available fully by subscription.
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological. You may share using our article tools. Please don't cut articles from Football Is Fixed and redistribute by email or post to the web.
With the Porn Barons countersuing the Billionaire Betting Barber, a financial situation both murky and opaque, ##############################################, the London Depression Olympics and a relegation battle to boot.
Things are never dull in the East.
But having been fakely and falsely supported by ScudamoreWorld after all of the dodginess relating to Tevez and Mascherano and their indentured third party arrangements with a whole host of shady characters, and unbelievably allowed to maintain their Premier League place with no points deduction.
And following this on with a financial meltdown resulting in the delayed publishing of financial reports and accounts etc etc.
On the day after the victory that may well secure ScudamoreWorld participation for another year, who should we be to dampen the East London euphoria?
But the 2nd Most Favoured Team in the Premier League this year has been West Ham United.
Despite everything.
And the Most Favoured Team?
#############################################################
In ScudamoreWorld, gambling and porn pays.
Premier League Spooky Coincidence #1819
Who have been the referees for the six FA Cup Semi Finals covering the last three seasons?
Howard Webb and Alan Wiley, that's who...
Where Are Rafa's Loyalties Now? Where Are Rafa's Royalties Now?
Putting his personal CV ahead of the team that he manages? With his reputation? When he is scarpering off to Italy in the summer? With all those loyal fans still reluctantly believing in him enough to utter his name in chant?
Forget the Champions League fourth position financial necessity.
The Europa Cup is much more conducive to future earnings and priorities are lop-sided accordingly despite the chutzpah emanating from Rafa's collection of mouths.
An aside.
Precisely 0% of Real Madrid fans wish for Benitez to be the next FC Franco manager.
Correct they are...
The UEFA Cup Final 'triumph' against Marseille was a Barthez Affair [sending off and a penalty conceded], the Champions League 'triumph' against Milan was despite Rafa rather than because of him, the FA Cup 'triumph' versus West Ham United was ###############################################################, and last year's 2nd place was ScudamoreWorld-inflated.
Overrated and overpaid.
Already.
Soon to be richer still?
The difference between the top tier and the rest in management - the premier managers are devoted to the club strategically, the lesser plan only in the short term and from a personal perspective.
All those transfers between Merseyside and Madrid...
Robbie Keane at 55 grand a day...
Financial crisis due to leveraged debt and no Champions League place...
Hyperreal Hooligans
Louise Taylor understands football.
Louise Taylor writes for The Guardian.
Louise Taylor knows her working class social history from her post-imperial private education in the Middle East.
Louise Taylor reckons that she perceives the whereabouts of all the delinquents who used to be classed as 'football hooligans' - they now all write blogs denigrating the great and the good who are minting the game for their own proprietary benefits.
#################################################################################
##############################################################################
#################################################################################
############################################################################
But we do prepare a blog and it targets people within the game so we read Taylor's deep thoughts with interest.
"There is an unfairness inherent in seeing people ridiculed and their reputations trashed by anonymous, factually challenged, half-wits who would probably never dare say "boo" to the object of their vitriol's face. Even worse, the suspicion is that witch-hunts are sometimes manufactured by the same numbskull submitting multiple comments via different usernames."
No comment.
Absolutely no comment in this place :)
"Really. Is this how the media works?" was Martin O'Neill's response to being informed that the 'rumours' surrounding his tenure at Villa Park were released on the web.
Unfortunately so, yes.
If the mainstream media that employs the likes of Louise Taylor were to report on the Reality of the sport in ScudamoreWorld, there would be no need for 'concerned hooligan of Scunthorpe' to waste their time pointing out the bleeding obvious.
Still.
Fortunately our privileged journalist has a solution - a reincarnation of the extreme modes of discipline that she experienced at her strict private school.
Yep, that should solve footballs ills...
Flog a Blogger.
Introduce it as half time entertainment.
Other Floggers To Be Blogged.
Half-witted.
Or what?
* All posts labelled # are only available fully by subscription.
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological. You may share using our article tools. Please don't cut articles from Football Is Fixed and redistribute by email or post to the web.
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