Two-faced, slippery and he stinks.
The new man at the top of the Professional Game Match Officials Board (PGMOB) is readying himself for the January takeover from a man who carries huge responsibility for the destruction of the English game at its highest tier.
Whether willingly or not, Keith Hackett has presided over this ruination without any obstruction from within the game, all those smiling faces with their little puns are more than aware of the generality of the hyperreality, if not the specifics.
Or worse, a particular financial stake in the corruption.
The takeover is a major coup for ###########################################
The degree of control afforded over the Premier League will be significant.
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The changeover period is when the hiccups are likely to happen and the PGMOB kicked off as it no doubt means to go on with an utter charade of a midweek in terms of the appointment of match officials.
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So last season we had 20 referees but then Clattenburg was banned for threats of violence in his business life and Uriah Rennie had a season-long injury.
Attwell and Jones are plainly not up to the grade ############################
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Anyway, 18 was the active number of officials in hyperreality but, for the start of this season, the situation has become farcical.
Rennie is still injured although Clattenburg has been allowed to return #########
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Webb has been on holiday for the first week of the season #####################
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Rob Styles has run off in a huff after a row with his uncle. The strutting fool never even gained a match on the last day of the season to say "goodbye", despite him making it clear to all and sundry since January that he had had enough.
So we're at 17.
Halsey isn't able to officiate currently.
16.
The Kipper has retired to PGMOB.
15.
The PGMOB have promoted Friend to the Select Group of referees but he isn't considered safe yet so he is just contemplating the occasional 4th Official slot.
Both Walton and Bennett were to have retired after having been defeated by the Kipper for the PGMOB Top Slot.
Bennett is overseeing the development of umpiring in cricket, which would be comical if it were not so tragic, but the PGMOB are in such a mess that they were forced to keep both on for this season.
Otherwise with only 13 Select Group referees, the PGMOB would have been forced to promote more junior officials with the obvious complications for certain interested parties.
This midweek, it all blew up in their faces.
The selections for the midweek Premier League matches were delayed until just 29 hours before Kick Off as, out of our intrepid fifteen, no less than 7 were dotted around Europe carrying out their UEFA missions - Atkinson, Clattenburg, Dean, Marriner, Attwell, Friend and Tanner.
So, run that through the ol' black box, and that leaves us with 8 officials for the midweek matches.
Barely enough if you add in the 4th Official slots.
Ah! But then Dowd had to be taken off the Burnley v Man Utd game as he was being disciplined for denying Liverpool two penalties or Sir Ferguson had demanded his removal over the Fulham affair last year - take your pick.
Dowd reappeared as 4th Official at Sunderland v Chelsea on the Tuesday before rushing off to do yet more professional duties at Newcastle v Sheffield Wednesday, appropriately on the Wednesday.
Cool!
Other changes saw the incompetent Jones giving 4th Official slot at Turf Moor as Alan Wiley presided over the shock in the hills.
None of this would really matter if we were simply talking about the Glossop Amateur Sunday League.
But we're not.
There are billion pound betting markets on the most liquid Premier League events and announcing officials less than 30 hours to Kick Off only to subsequently alter those officials repeatedly until "a fit" could be found has major impacts on the markets.
We are not bleating about ourselves or other trading professionals - we are all able to model the changes of referee.
But we are bleating about the control of this information.
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Additionally, both for the efficacy of the markets and any remnants of integrity that still exist within ScudamoreWorld, making Mr Dowd referee the opening weekend of the seasons' biggest event - Tottenham v Liverpool on Sunday, before keeping him hanging around until Monday afternoon when he was told to head to Hillbilly land in Lancashire. Then the little man was redirected instead to spend two days in the north-east, taking in his two games in the process.
Presumably he managed to nip in to his Staffordshire home for laundry and picking up the messages and post at some point.
By Wednesday, Dowd would have been both mentally and physically tired.
Still, this very odd set up is obviously preferable to opening up the Premier League to a larger pool of referees to stop such shenanigans being such an integral part of the game.
However.
Control of the markets is more critical than professional officiating of the game.
Like this should come as any surprise in the circus that is ScudamoreWorld.
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