With England staying home due to deities being unable to save an allegedly gracious monarch, xenophobes were restricted to yesterday's garnering of votes for the World Cup 2018 Bid to demonstrate their lack of evolutionary zeal.
Fortunately, Calypso and Soca drowned out the repulsive singing about slavery - informing a formerly enslaved colony that their historical masters "never, never, never shall be slaves" and that "Britannia rules the waves" was not only insensitive but also referentially incorrect. Remember the Romans? What about Britain's current position as the 51st State of the USA? And, how can a country with merely 10% of the naval vessels possessed during World War II claim to rule anything?
Equally fortunately, some proper Caribbean sport eclipsed this nonsense when Jamaican, Usain Bolt, ran the fastest 100 metres in history yesterday in New York.
Be For Real.
Daniel Schechter: "Everyone plays by the rules of the game, if they want to stay in the game". This point was amply demonstrated by the volte-face of Jack Warner who transposed his public stance of claiming that he must "fight" the 2018 World Cup Bid of "irritant" England that "nobody in Europe likes" to an "unconditional support" of that self same Bid.
Of course, the FA's agreement to allow Warner the nice little earner of a Trinidad & Tobago Centenary Celebration visit of The Evil Empire was influential in the man's u-turn. Ticket prices for yesterday's irrelevance ranged from £25 to £100 and we confidently assert that the gate receipts from the match in Port Of Spain will have absolutely no impact whatsoever on Warner's globally diversified offshore bank accounts.
Be For Real.
Comparisons between last night's match and the World Cup 2006 meeting reveal some interesting holistics. The World Cup match was a bookmaker induced fix of the highest degree. The bookies were desperate to achieve an England victory after a Half Time 0-0 scoreline to avoid liabilities on the greedy mugs who represent their prime client base. The required outcome was achieved thanks to some dubiously uncreative input from Fat Frank and Little Michael and the tugging of a man's dreadlocks by an uncoordinated beanpole. Despite the presence of a couple of bookmaker-controlled individuals, yesterday's event was largely legit as the criminals are now much more concerned about the lack of gullibility of Fabio Capello compared to his predecessors. However, the match itself achieved one world record - the earliest Mexican Wave ever at an international football match, timed at 19 minutes 25 seconds. The Mexican Wave is always an indicator of the degree of relevance of an event. At least, England still rule the Mexican Waves.
Be For Real.
Euro 2008 is now less than one week away and England isn't the only obscene and unpleasant land to be denied an invite to the party. Norway fluffed it which will allow them more time to concentrate on the global destruction of megafauna. Denmark also blew it allowing fuller focus to be given to the racist and xenophobic targeting of all things Islamic. Bulgaria were too busy killing one another with official impunity to mount a serious challenge. Serbia were denied a place due to their refusal to countenance the annexation of a part of their country by NATO - imagine the reaction of the US or Britain if an alternative coalition of the willing rewrote the Geneva Conventions to allow the enforced independence of, say, Alaska or the Six Counties! Ukraine were punished for short-selling the capitalism of the Orange Revolution while other teams were simply robbed to allow the Big Countries their Rightful Place at the Spectacular, think Scotland, Finland or Eire.
Finally, and most fortunately, the pseudo-state of Belgium have failed to qualify. We agree with The Economist. Really! Their angle is that Belgium has ceased to be a valid country and that their Dutch-speaking and Wallonian halves should merely merge with the Netherlands and France respectively. We have spent half an hour thinking about it, but nobody in the office can think of anything more defining of Belgium than the historical racism of King Leopold II and the present day racism of the Vlaams Blok far-right party. Scrap the nation. In fact, why not scrap all nations...?
Be For Real.
And, what about Ronaldo? Real or No Real?
Be For Real.
There have been numerous mainstream media offerings as to what a xenophobe might do to alleviate the lack of options to demonstrate their little-islander-collective-mentality over the next month.
Choosing to support another team is evidently a no-goer as the English hate everyone, an angle that is unsurprisingly reciprocated across the globe.
Going over to Austria/Switzerland anyway just so you can demonstrate your national superiority by battering harmless bystanders who just might happen to look Italian or German or whatever, is another option. The Austrian police have already fenced off the statue of Mozart in Vienna just in case.
Consideration of a course of psychotherapy might be a further option as life is surely not worth living if one inhabits such a reactionary and racist perspective. There are also methods of aversion therapy that might be tried.
We would suggest however, quite humbly, that a complete life overview is undertaken for the duration of the tournament.
Below are some triggers that the average fan might wish to meditate on. These triggers are adapted from Tom Hodgkinson's book "How To Be Free". Leaving aside the fact that there has to be some justifiable opprobrium to listening to a former pupil of Westminster School lecturing us about our freedoms, his template may be adjusted to the Real world eg when Hodgkinson refers to "embracing poverty", his description of poverty would not probably match our own assessment. But, whatever... Here are his bullets combined with a few of our own (labelled *).
"Reality, not Illusion* - Death to the Supermarkets - Bake Bread - Play the Bodhrán* - Build Youth Clubs* - Action is Not Futile* - Moan, Effervescently* - Stop Consuming - Start Producing - Back to the Land - Smash Usury - Embrace Beauty - Embrace Poverty - Hail the Chisel - Ignore the State - Confront Power* - Act Directly* - Cycle, don't Drive* - Dig the Dirt* - Sousveillance their Surveillance* - Reform is Futile - Hail the Spade - Hail the Horse - Hail the Quill - Be Frugal* - Love Thy Neighbour - No Gods, No Masters* - Pursue your Instinct for Freedom* - Be Creative - Celebrate (Bio)Diversity* - Free your Spirit - Dig the Earth - Make Compost - Sink Whaling Ships* - Life is Absurd - Mock the Spectacle* - We are Free - No Fear* - Be Merry".
And remember, autocratic institutions do not burn down of their own accord.
Learn To Burn.
Be For Real.
Dietrological is offering a Euro 2008 package for new clients to our Football Information Provision Service. If you wish to give the bookmakers the sort of battering that they deserve for their malicious influences upon the game, there is no better way to do it than to become a Dietrological Bettor. We will provide 10 advices on the Euro 2008 tournament and, historically, we have always achieved 80%+ Win/Loss Percentage (W/L) on these summer events at an average Return On Investment (ROI) of 28%. We see no reasons for this year's competition to be any different. Indeed, we have never provided ANY client with anything less than a 70% W/L and a 10% ROI for the information provided. Ever...
Additionally, we are launching a Daily Newsletter for the duration of the tournament. This Newsletter will cover the more isolationist content that will not reach the pages of the Football Is Fixed blog. The charge for these Dietrological Services are £250 each ($500) or £450 for both Services.
Contact me at footballisfixed@googlemail.com if you are interested or require further details. Current clients will receive this information as part of their ongoing subscriptions.
Be For Real.
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