"To bet or not to bet, there is no question" - states Eric Cantona in Hemisphere Droit's £2.5 million ($5 million) advertising campaign for Partouche Casinos.
In his selling out to the inappropriate euro, Cantona leaves the question unanswered, although his fee from Partouche allows a reading of the Great Man's body language to show where his real sensibilities and financial sensitivities lie.
Like he needs the money? Cantona is in Manchester currently, filming for the new Ken Loach film "Looking for Eric" at a secret location otherwise known as Keppel Road in Chorlton, I might cycle over and ask the Great Man - "Do you wish for us to bet? Or not?".
And, "What is the basis for this advice?".
The only point to be made in favour of the Great Man is his mocking of England's failure to qualify during his marketing performance.
Interesting angle from Hemisphere here. Pay out money to insult the most xenophobic nation in Europe via an assault on their nationhood while trying to persuade them to believe in your product.
But, because Cantona is a Great Man, the people will buy into Partouche as an entirely voluntary form of taxation.
Profit through Insult. We tried something similar with E-buzzers. This firm pays blogs to place "buzz" names within the blog posts. Such buzzes are linked to a required website. The idea is that advertisers approach E-buzzers looking for blogs featuring, say, football. E-buzzers do the-middle-man-thing and, whenever Football Is Fixed mentions Sky Television approvingly, we get paid some cash. Simple.
Our response was to show interest in the concept. But from a postmodern perspective.
We wished for the likes of Sky to pay us a fee for insulting them. Our logic?
Firstly, '...there is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about'.
Secondly, being bad-mouthed is cool. Straight from the fridge... Pay us for our communication. We irritate you, we confront you. Don't ignore the conversation. Respond. Performance related pay dependent on a scale of negative impact and annoyance. £'s for Libel, that's the deal...
Thirdly, and most importantly for organisations whose main focus is profit, we sharpen up your corruptions by acting as a monitor - an external beacon representing the cutting edge of current trading perceptions and knowledge. We help you to hide your future machinations.
Whether we like it, or not.
E-buzzers, unfortunately, became one of the 95% of potential linkages that we chose to by-pass.
They were unable to get it.
A 62 year old engineer from Rotherham is receiving police protection, following death threats from a few members of the Polish immigrant community. Howard Webb works on traffic lights and signals at the council, where his email has been shut down after being inundated with hate-mail.
Butterfly Wings.
Chaos Theory.
A potential corruption is perpetrated in Vienna, which led to a national leader feeling murderous, and caused a traffic light engineer to receive death threats from Poles in and around Rotherham.
Chaos Theory is Postmodern. The final occurrence bears no resemblance to the initial occurrence that caused-and-effected the final occurrence's existence.
Polish prime minister, Donald Tusk, was livid at the decision of Howard Webb, admitting he wanted to "kill" the bald-headed English Premier League referee for depriving coach Leo Beenhakker's team of a vital win. "As the prime minister, I have to be balanced and collected..." he stated the following day.
Wouldn't want to come across the man when his equilibrium is disturbed then...
So, Howard Webb is England's brand of Hugh Dallas. It is critical that we not mention the word 'corruption' in any paragraph including these people.
But we are delighted to report that PC Webb will be safe on his return - "Our boys... will be in touch with Howard. We are ready to do everything necessary to provide security for him and his family" - said a spokesperson for the South Yorkshire constabulary.
We can see The Sun campaign developing here.
A whole summer with no xenophobia extravaganza on which to vent your anger and resentment.
Webb returns from Euro 2008 after being given the Final, for one reason and another.
There is an incident.
Suddenly, its Poles versus The Proles and The Police. The Good Fight.
How dare another country insult Our Ref. Polish communities will be attacked. Rich children will stop growing up speaking English with Polish accents. The Commercial Property Market will Collapse. No builders. No plumbers. "Wot? No invasion?".
That sort of thing...
Yesterday saw, by some distance, the best match of the competition so far - Romania v Italy. Proper football, and then some... Two fighters toe-to-toe, kicking four-shades-of-shit out of each other, before the referee calls it a Tie.
It was Postmodern Football masquerading as Fight Club.
And, it mattered.
Big Style.
If you want to really understand the vicious racism being undertaken in Italy against Romanians, read Cristina Arion's totally excellent piece entitled "The Italian Government's Plans for Romanians: the Return of Collective Expulsions?" at World Politics Review (see: http://www.worldpoliticsreview.com/articlePrint.aspx?ID=1357).
Coincidentally, it was also the first match yet at Euro 2008 to feature no players earning their living in the English Premiership.
Absolutely vital football though. And Drama. Real Drama.
Adrian Mutu is a Hero. Having spent the season being racially taunted wherever he travels in Italy, due to the complete breakdown of anything resembling society in the country, he scores a Heroic Goal before missing a Heroic Penalty and crying a Heroic Tear.
"Shitty Gypsy" - squealed the right-wing Lazio fans in November.
"A crafty little Gypsy" - reasoned Maurizio Zamporini, the Palermo president.
Meanwhile, a Very Rich Oligarch, a Very Rich Oligarch with many enemies in the world, is determinedly pursuing a claim for £12 million damages against Mutu in punishment for his addiction issues while playing at the West London Autocracy.
Why only Mutu?
The man did the white line in the aftermath of his separation from his wife and, presumably, under the yoke of the ever-present racism.
Some facts just define a Man. Even a Very Rich Oligarch Man...
Hai Hai Hai Romania...
Finally, a Table.
People like tables.
As part of the excruciatingly boring task of having to watch every minute of every game of the Spectacle, we have to collate statistics and databases relating to our particular areas of expertise.
We mention above that the Romania/Italy event was the most exciting game so far. This is based on our databases.
So, its true.
Excitement is nothing to do with gambling or corruption.
Excitement relates to the moments in a match that send the pulses racing.
And totalising (with no weighting) the relevant parameters, we have the following (where 100 = The Perfect Game and 0 = A Postponement):
1. Romania v Italy 69
2. Austria v Croatia 62
3. Germany v Croatia 53
The worst match to date has been Sweden v Greece.
Nearly halfway there now.
The halfway point will be reached during the Greece versus Russia event this evening.
Rosetti referees.
Abramovich is in town.
The Halfway Hyperreality of Euro 2008.
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological
