Manchester City are swapping Thaksin Shinawatra for Gary Glitter!
Harry Redknapp is Sir Les Patterson!!
Andy Gray: "This is an infamous league for late goals".
Martin Tyler: "Well, a famous league...".
The illusory, invalid and infamous gambling league is up and running...
Having spent the last three months worrying about fictitious transfers that never occurred, we may now turn our attention, instead, to fake football which fails to exist, even as the theatre is gamed out in front of our eyes.
The early season league tables are a nonsense.
The degree of nonsensicalness extrapolates upwards when the volatility of structures based on just a few observations are combined with the impacts of the illusion being perpetrated on the pitch.
Yet, the early season table is critical in two key ways.
Firstly, a momentum (or a deceleration) may be evoked as over- or underperformance impacts upon the club on a psychological level.
And, secondly, pressure for change may be created or dissipated via the highly visible first two matches of the season.
The Real Premiership Table gives our traders' assessments of the Real Results in the games to date. This is founded on two fundamental inputs. The final match score is adjusted both for the inappropriate influences of the match officials and for the most likely outcome based on our proprietary analysis of the match data.
We do not claim that the match outcomes so created are accurate.
But, they are more precise than the Hyperreal version of the table that we are sold - we remove the impact of corruption, errors and statistical anomalies to more clearly define the Reality.
But it can be difficult to assess.
For example, John Pantsil should have been sent off for his outrageous challenge on Emmanuel Eboué. It was early in the game, it was 0-0. A reasonable assessment would have to have been that Arsenal would have gone on to win the game. Yet, we incorporate the staleness of the Arsenal performance into the equation and our outcome was a 1-1 draw.
Whatever.
This is still a more accurate reflection of the match than a Fulham victory.
So, what should the Premiership table appear like this morning?
We'll show you.
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© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological
