Manager of the Year Nominations - Neil Lennon for winning title and Scottish Cup to come; for reaching Champions League 2nd Phase and beating Barcelona on the way; for behaving with dignity through the threats and the institutional malaise that is Scottish football OR Allan Johnston. the former Rangers player who has managed Queen of the South to the title in third tier of Scottish football; for playing in the same colours as The Club Formerly Known As Rangers; for having a club name that gives a nice warm glow to those who believe in the Union Jack; for finishing 25 points clear of Alloa Athletic; for having a mascot called Doogie the Doonhamer.
And the winner is ................ Allan Johnston
Criminalised Freemason Of The Year Nominations - Due to the nature of secret non-meritocratic societies with arbitrary homo-erotic rules on the square, the nominations for this award are not to be made public as otherwise it would become public knowledge that Scotland is smothered in freemasonry at the top. Like England.
And the winner is .................. Lord Nimmo Smith - the man who claimed that corruption by The Club Formerly Known As Rangers was "an honest mistake" and all titles should be retained. The Old Etonian, Oxbridge Knob is a Hun. But an honest one and that is why he thoroughly deserves this award.
Criminalised Scallywag Of The Year Nominations - We are inundated with nominations for this peculiarly Scottish award - Neil Doncaster, Charles Green, Brian Kennedy, John Colquhoun, Willie McKay but the winner by several lengths is ...................... Sir David Murray for his criminalised control of The Club Formerly Known As Rangers. For his metal dealing and his remarkable ability to move monies around the world with selective sleights of hand.
Scottish Generalisation Of The Year - Only one nomination this year.
And the winner is .................. Scouser Michael Higdon, The Motherwell striker who was arrested for alleged assault just hours after collecting the thoroughly deserved award as Scottish PFA Player of the Year for scoring a few goals against a few teams, but primarily for not being a Celt.
But still, a scouser being arrested for assault hours after winning the top prize...
If there is a more dysfunctional collection of football leagues anywhere on the planet, we'd like to hear of it...
... Scotland - worldwide renown for whisky, tartan and the most institutionalised sectarian football.
But finally something that Scottish football can be proud of...
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