Just as the North West of England, with 8 of the ScudamoreWorld teams, is the epicentre of English football, certain nations can lay claim to being global hotspots of talent allowing the said nation to punch well above their collective weight on the FIFA scene.
We thought, with 75 days to go before England's Penalty Shoot-Out Quarter Final exit, that we should check where these oases of beauty lie.
We need two figures to undertake this simple calculation - the population of the country and the FIFA Ranking.
Unfortunately, the FIFA Rankings are highly non-linear and so, for a more meaningful yet simplistic overview, we have chosen to rank the nations by i) population (1st to 32nd) and ii) FIFA Rankings (1st to 32nd).
So, for example, the Hyperimperium with 309 million wage slaves, ranks highest in terms of total population (if not popular intellect) but only 13th in the Soccerball Ratings - a Rating of -12.
Meanwhile, Uruguay with just 3 million souls is the second least populated country in the tournament and yet is 15th in the footballing hierarchy - a Rating of +16 (31-15).
One might hazard to suggest that there is a significantly greater football culture in the former World Cup winning nation. In fact, there are grounds for suggesting that Uruguay has been the greatest territory over the 80 years of Jules Rimet And All That.
If we were to become pernickety about it, we could include other disequilibrium inputs eg GDP, political biases within FIFA, the impact of war etc but then we would be putting together a mini-model for you and we don't want to be doing the likes of that.
Also, it is obviously difficult for highly populated countries to rank positively in our hierarchy, and we would suggest that any positive figure for the top ten nations (Spa, Bra, Neth, Por, Ita, Ger, Eng, Fra, Arg and Gre) is a good thing.
So, who should you avoid having a kickabout on the beach with this summer, and who should you seek out to humiliate with your limited ball retention skills?
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 Top Six
1. PORTUGAL +19
2. NETHERLANDS +18
3. URUGUAY +16
4. GREECE +12
4. SERBIA +12
6. SPAIN +11
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 Bottom Six
32. JAPAN -24
31. SOUTH AFRICA -20
30. SOUTH KOREA -19
29. NORTH KOREA -17
28. NIGERIA -16
27. USA -12
FIF Footie Fantasia World Cup 2010 FIFA Top Ten Ranking Teams
PORTUGAL +19
NETHERLANDS +18
GREECE +12
SPAIN +11
ARGENTINA +4
ITALY +3
ENGLAND +2
BRAZIL 0
GERMANY 0
FRANCE -1
All of which goes to show that, apart from the Dutch, nobody in Northern Europe should be bounced into thinking that we are any good at this sport.
Still, with Barack Obama agreeing to attend the Final in Jo'burg if the US team gets there, one should always remember that the outcomes of these stand alone tournaments are decided in some very murky corridors indeed.
Meanwhile, we are thinking, once again, of producing our "Anyone But England" Flags - if some Glasgow Rangers fan is able to make thousands standing outside Old Trafford selling green and gold deludo-scarves, why shouldn't a Mancunian stand outside Ibrox selling "Anyone But England" Flags?
And while we are on really important issues, how much tax have the repeated newspaper images cost the green and gold deludo-scarf seller?
But.
Does Glasgow do tax?
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