Premier League No Longer Permitted To Use The Word 'Sport' In Advertising
Following government intervention, the Premier League has had to pretend to make changes to the manner in which it is directly manipulated by the powers-that-be.
In the Casino of Un-Life, the Product may no longer be referred to as a Sport - an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition.
Obviously, there are two structural complaints worthy of being aired here.
Firstly, the Premier League is not a diversion, an activity that amuses or stimulates, but the primary mode, the fundamental vein through which pumps the lifeblood of your 'sporting' neohyperrealities.
Secondly, and of similar magnitude, too many versions of this 'Sport' are not competitive in the true sense of the word. There is, of course, a friction, a tension between the actors and the masses of the bewildered, but sublimation to the Phase of the Image renders such a dynamic of minimal consequence.
It matters more when there's money on it?
It matters more when there's Integrity in it.
Ratings Agencies Admit Using Numerology In Assessments, Geithner Seen Clutching The I Ching
There were numerous causes of the Depression at all levels in the monstrosity of the free market model.
As various bodies are placed in the stocks while rotting organic fruit and veg are thrown at them, other sectors of the matrix that caused the Depression continue to abuse unabated, undeterred by any regulatory constraints.
Take the Big 3 Ratings Agencies.
They failed us utterly in their rosy assessments of the financial well-being of a system that was obviously about to go belly-up.
All those AAA ratings seem so quaint from where we now stand.
One might think that Moody's, Standard & Poor and Fitch might have been taken out of the game - after all, they are paid for as institutions by the very people who they are supposed to be assessing.
Imagine assessing your boss (good) while she/he still has her/his hands on the wage packet (bad).
Not so.
ObamaWorld has excluded ALL of the smaller ratings agencies from receiving any of the Fed funding that is propping up the US system.
Money for the boys, literally.
As The Economist bemoaned: "But better no ratings at all, perhaps, than those of a discredited oligopoly supported by a short-sighted central bank."
It should be noted in this place that The Economist used to be a free market newspaper.
Hush Falls Over Training Ground As Benitez Stabs Player In Throat
In a row over who should get the last chocolate-coated churros, Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez knifed one of his squad in front of a disbelieving squad last week, it is reported.
Fresh from the twin controversies over blaming the small size of his 62 player squad for his failure to win the Premier League title, and his refusal to congratulate Sir Ferguson on his title success, Benitez refused to talk to the media in the aftermath of the alleged attack, claiming simply that it was an "internal matter".
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Country Ready To Be Lied To About The Economy Yet Again
The Office of National Statistics (ONS) has admitted that it overstated the volume of retail sales growth since August 2007 by 56%!
Fifty Six Per Cent!!
Only last September, Karen Dunnell of that august group of data-crunchers stated, with tongue firmly in cheek: "ONS figures are the best available and they are not inaccurate."
Interestingly, we do not include any ONS data in our Unified Trading Model (UTM).
We do assess their dissemination of disinformation for valid inputs though!
We suggest that you keep looking at your illusory green shoots of recovery.
Green shoots that are based solely on "more optimistic" official figures from the Chinese government, and the reaction of leisure investors to this 'news'.
Stupid Man Overshadowed By Louder Stupid Man
Watching the eclipsing of Ronaldo by the infinitely superior Lionel Messi last night, our joy was only nuanced by the quality of the broadcasting.
ITV were having technical hitches ########################################
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BSkyB ignored the match and allowed two stupidities to argue over match minutiae - Souness defeated Jamie on points, after threatening a Glasgow grin and simply refusing to stop speaking.
We almost missed the start of the Second Half through watching their merry jousting.
Yahweh Makes Surprise Visit To Local Synagogue
There are strong rumours emanating from the Occupied Territories of Palestine that the congregation at an illegally built Israeli place of worship was shocked and silenced by a visitation of Yahweh last Saturday.
Eye-witnesses said that she hovered in, looked around, shook her head, before leaving by a side-door.
Unsubstantiated reports suggest that she was later seen digging a tunnel between Gaza and Egypt.
Netanyahu ordered drones to flatten the supply routes on hearing the news...
City Of London Police Embark On Epic Delay
After having promised to tell us if ######################################## are guilty or not for nearly two years now, the City of London police are set to announce yet another delay to yet another illusory deadline, to occur sometime after the British government has installed a statute of limitations bill.
Life does seem to have improved remarkably for the array of characters involved in the alleged illegalities and others exposed on the BBC Panorama programme into bungs.
'Arry has crawled out of the swamp to Spurs.
He is joined by Bond, Kevin Bond, the only man yet to lose a job over the affair (out of Bournemouth, into Spurs).
Allardyce is at Blackburn.
Arneson remains at Chelsea.
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Brady and Sullivan have just been promoted back to the Premier League with Birmingham City.
Milan Mandaric has just gained the League One title and promotion with Leicester City.
Peter Storrie has had his financial difficulties with Portsmouth owner Arkadi Gaydamak solved by the proposed takeover by Sulaiman Al Fahim.
Richard Scudamore still exists as an omnipotent ruiner of the event.
Why does Britain look increasingly like Italy, and why is Italy about to allow their calcio to be Murdochratised?
Bobby Zamora To Feature On Sesame Street
Agent admits that the Fulham striker is set to star in the hit US children's tv show.
He will be dressed in an outsized clown-suit, and will run around the street, buffoon-fashion, barging into objects and generally bringing mayhem to proceedings.
But because he has such a goofy grin, nobody will mind really.
Direct Correlation Shown Between Enhanced Torture Techniques And Future Prosperity
There is gathering evidence to suggest that the illicit use of enhanced cruelty techniques in US/UK secret prisons is positively correlated with the future financial well-being of the nation undertaking the torturing, for it is never just one individual bad apple.
Wall Street moved relentlessly and irrationally upwards while all of our heroes were instigating their pranks.
As soon as the lily-livered human rights brigade got involved, the techniques had to be sidelined in favour of more minor transgressions of international law.
And what happens?
Only the biggest Depression ever!
Cheney calls for Extraordinary Rendition to End Extraordinary Recession.
Slavoj Žižek: "... the greatest victims of publicly admitted torture are all of us, the public that is informed about it. We should all be aware that some precious part of our collective identity has been irretrievably lost. We are in the middle of a process of moral corruption: those in power are literally trying to break a part of our ethical backbone, to dampen and undo what is arguably civilisation's greatest achievement, the growth of our spontaneous moral sensitivity."
Mesmerically Ghastly Man Describes Loyalty
"When you go through that process of review, names come up, but that is only ever done internally. There was no need to take that process externally because we have a manager in place who we are very happy with" - Garry Cook of Manchester City.
Replace the word 'manager' with 'wife', and don't you just pity her, whoever she might be.
Pity City and pity Ms Cook.
"Should You Ever Feel Despair, Remember How Eloquent I Am"
Sepp Blatter on Our Great Leader: "He is working to make a lot of money and I'm working to have football as a social, cultural event around the world, being a school of life, bringing hope, bringing emotions. That's the difference."
Tin-pot dictator calls criminal, black, blacker...
"Grey carrion soul-mincing hope" or greyhound racing?
He was referring to torture, but ScudamoreWorld, being what it is, is Nothing if not Tortuous, so we'll end with one of Žižek's: "... they operate in empty space that is sustained by the law, and yet not regulated by the rule of law."
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