Congratulations to the Scottish Premier League on winning this year's Scottish Premier League title. As Glasgow Rangers and the governing body appear, to all external analysis, to merely be separate wings of a single entity, it would seem churlish not to give credit where credit is due. Some championship medal equivalences should also be passed down to some highly select match officials and the client clubs.
The Scottish Premier League, like the sassenach version, is also a hyperreality. Walter Smith, Ally McCoist, Kenny Clark, Stuart Dougal, Hugh Dallas and his protégés, the farce that is Gretna - this is not real and neither is it proper football.
With a cursory nod in the direction of Partick Thistle and Queens Park, Glaswegian football plays out historical theatre on a contemporary stage and we all assume our relevant and pre-destined roles. Celtic do not expect a level playing field, it would be a travesty if the Scottish Premier League (SPL) offered one. It just would not feel right. Defiant defeatism with an occasional triumph, made all the more sweet due to the tilted playing field, is the psychological template just as a more psychopathic power-based template is the structure of choice at Ibrox. We would not want the referees to be unbiased in key Old Firm games. Victory against the odds. Its what my grandfather fought for with the Cork Brigade - its OUR psychology.
"It don't matter if we win or lose...". As long as we're feeling hard done by, we're happy.
Sour grapes or a justifiable whinge? Lets get one thing straight - Rangers probably deserve the title anyway as Strachan has lost the plot somewhat this season - there are certain players who are his inappropriate favourites and champions do not throw away a 2-0 lead at Inverness. Of course, "probably" is not a word that is acceptable to Walter Smith. Walter prefers certainties and when we traded on a Rangers triumph pre-season, this is what we were counting on. Our Trading Team reckon Celtic need to be 8 points better than Rangers to win the title, this 8 points being their built in handicap. Not this year...
Lets have a look at the two derbies to date this season. On average in football, a booking results from every 6.5 fouls perpetrated during a match. In the two Ibrox matches this season, Rangers have averaged a booking every 5.8 fouls while Celtic have been punished every 2.8 fouls - 14 bookings in two games. And this is before you adjust the figures for the bias in decision making by McCurry and Dougal during the games. Once booked, can't challenge. Over the year, Rangers 5 key penalties for and 2 against; Celtic 2 key penalties for and 3 against. Rangers have also had an invalid support from little Gretna. A silly team. The Gretna matches against Rangers have been practice games devoid of physical contact - no bookings at all in the last two matches - while Gretna also agreed to cancel a Setanta live match with Rangers just prior to the critical Champions League clash against Lyon. How accommodating. It was the least that the SPL could do to reciprocate to the tune of £100,000 or so when Gretna entered administration. If it hadn't been for the link to Rangers, Gretna would never have been promoted in the first place due to the state of their ground. This is the normal template in Scotland but the SPL saw fit to by-pass the rules to get Gretna promoted. With players sacked and the club in administration due to not being able to play their matches on their home ground, the SPL is an embarrassment. Of course, Rangers are unable to pay their way as they are not financially flush at the moment and the transfer kitty is bare as the commercial and private property markets turn downwards in parallel with the mood of Mr Murray.
On the same day that Rangers effectively secured the title, Linfield met Cliftonville in Belfast's equivalent version of the Old Firm match. And then some... This one has always been a bit of a scrap and images of robed-up catholic monks battling with Linfield UVF are firmly implanted in the memory. It was a cup semi final. Cliftonville are usually totally crap but this season they have the temerity to not only mount a title challenge but also reach the semi's. Linfield won the match 2-1. Rangers won the SPL. How to celebrate? 70-80 Linfielders decided to attack Cosgrove's - a city centre Celtic pub in Belfast - but were fought off by the clientele. A 32 year old Celtic fan walking with his girlfriend then had his throat cut in revenge and remains in a critical condition in a Belfast hospital. For good measure, Cliftonville manager Eddie Patterson and his family have received death threats. And this when they've won!?
We are constantly careful about treading in these waters as two of our traders are Celtic fans and I am/we are totally biased. Obviously. But Celtic fans have evolved further than Rangers ones. Cue a barrage of emails... I don't want to hear songs about protestants being "up to our knees in Fenian blood" nor do I wish to be informed that "Nakamura Ate My Dog" just as they, presumably, would prefer it if I didn't summon them with a "Come Out You Black And Tans" or tell them to "Fuck The British Army". Some Celtic fans do still sing inappropriate songs in inappropriate locations but not to the same extent as Walter's masses. Politics is always just below the surface and not only the politics of the here and now. Celtic are close to Barcelona and the clubs celebrate their shared revolutionary zeal against the oppression of the crown or Castille. Rangers choose to side with Franco's Espanyol. Its a script. We can't help but live it out. But Rangers still take it too far. They wreck places - witness the extensive damage in Barcelona after this season's Champions League encounter shamefully hardly mentioned in the British mainstream media or the nonsense in Villarreal. Being stuck in the Cromwell era, Spain holds a particular level in the hyper-history of 'Gers man.
Religion, history and class. All the major football rivalries are driven by these dynamics and yet these realities never get a mention in media circus land. Real Betis/Sevilla, Boca/River Plate, Olympiacos/Panaithinaikos etc etc. This is proper football but we have to evolve to a political tokenism. I see nothing wrong with singing "Joe McDonnell" to myself on a balcony in Greece on St Pat's but I'm not going to do it in Glasgow. Not even in The Tollbooth!
We ourselves have got our history and "if you know your history", your future is defined. We are anti-authoritarian; we attack the SPL referees. You are authoritarian; you support biased officiating. Referees = police = Herman's brigade - the impartial police force are we...
Nationalism is a lifelong issue for those of us unfortunate enough to have been born in an environment where a nationalist perspective was a compulsory self defence which encouraged a "heroism" against the impact of defeatism or inertia. There are windows where it takes on invalid levels of importance and others where a more rational and evolved angle may be perceived. Generally, I'm comfortable with the ground I now occupy but the second annual occurrence of a blur of nationalist fervour (see above) erupts whenever the Bhoys are robbed by the powers-that-be. Even though it is only but what we expect.
"If you know your history...".
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological
