It would have to be accepted as a reasonable judgement if an impartial reader made the assumption that we take a certain degree of schadenfreude in the repetitive underperformance of the England football team. We do that thing both because none of our Trading Team feel any affinity with the country and also because anything that messes around with the heads of a nation of xenophobes has to be seen as a grin. In an attempt to demonstrate a belated form of balance in our coverage of the national side, we outline below a medium term strategy which, if implemented, would produce an excellent chance of success coming to fruition in South Africa in 2010.
Firstly, we need to return to the prime reasons why the current crop of players have failed to deliver. As we pointed out following the hilarious defeat to Croatia, the blame must be shared between, in declining order of negative impact, the bookmakers, the FA, the media, the players and the nationalistic fanbase. Some of these negativities are structural and require a very specific strategy to peripheralise their destabilisation while others may be solved directly. For instance, there is little that may be done to change the reality that it is always in the interests of the bookmakers for English sports teams to underperform due to the massive liquidity of the patriotic pound. The only strategy available is to by-pass the bookies by taking the control of the England team from their grubby little hands. Similarly, it is not possible to remove the council of idiots within the FA - it is a travesty that Brian Barwick remains in the pay of the game following his atrocious mismanagement of recent times. The media will also remain in the hands of the bookmakers but, despite this considerable dead-weight attached to the team, there is a route to that sought after glory. Check this out...
Fabio Capello is one of the best half dozen managers on the planet and, to our knowledge, he has never had any links with the bookmaking world. His record of success in different leagues and with a range of separate club hierarchies over a considerable window of time is indicative of the man's professionalism. So, here's the initial advantage - you have got a proper manager who neither works alongside bookmakers in a Keegan-stylee nor lists ineptitude as his one core competency in a McClaren stylee.
The bookmakers prefer ownership of the managerial position but, when direct influence is not an option, the promotion of self-harming individuals is a valid fallback strategy. When, as now, neither of these possibilities are on the table, the layers depend on the least favourable choice - failure through player underperformance. The reason why this third route is not the corruption of choice for the bookmakers is obvious - what if the very skilled Italian manager elects to discard the players who undertake the dirty work of the bookmakers? We are then in a meritocratic world which is the very last thing on the bookies list of preferences.
Okay so, who has Capello to bin? Regular readers will be aware that we would place Michael Owen and Frank Lampard at the very top of this list. Both players, at both club and country level, show inappropriate correlations between their playing statistics and certain key betting market patterns. Whether their criminality is forced through coercion or bribery or is a personal choice is of no interest here - these individuals are doing the work of the bookmakers and, consequently, these types of player are out. We would also wish to see the back of the following players for reasons of either age, motivation or lack of ability - Robinson, Ferdinand, Campbell, James, Bridge, Smith, Downing, Terry and Beckham. The English Under-21 team reached the semi finals of the European Championships last summer despite some key individuals being unavailable. Although the generally held view is that there is a dearth of quality English players, we would beg to differ. The following 38 member squad is full of exciting players with the added benefit that they are not soiled by any links to the layers.
GOALKEEPERS: Carson, Green, Foster and Almunia.
DEFENDERS: Richards, Carragher (we are told he would return if the friends of the bookies are kicked out), Brown, Taylor, A. Cole, Lescott, Onuoha and Richardson.
MIDFIELDERS: Gerrard, Barry, Jenas, Bentley, Nolan, Lennon, Young, J. Cole, Hargreaves, Wright-Phillips, Milner, Johnson (Man City), Randall (Arsenal), Noble, Dyer, Carrick, Reo-Coker, Huddlestone and, in your dreams, Paul Scholes.
ATTACKERS: Walcott, Defoe, Rooney, Crouch, Agbonlahor, Bent (Spurs) and Heskey.
There are another dozen players who are arguably of sufficient potential - there is no shortage of talent despite what the mainstream media pours out. And the media are key to the success of this strategy towards mid-term success.
It is not by coincidence that the amount of press coverage given to just a few of the players on our discard list is extensive. Indeed, we would suggest that more column inches are given to Owen, Lampard and Beckham than the entire 38 player squad outlined above. The bookmakers utilise the mainstream media to force through their proprietary agenda and, if we selected to do so, we could name journalists from ALL the papers together with their linkages to particular bookmakers or groups of bookmakers. For the purposes of this post, we choose to finger just one bod - Jim Holden who writes utter rubbish for the otherwise excellent World Soccer magazine. In his latest dispatch on behalf of the bookies, Holden attempts (and completely fails) to make a case for the dropping of Stevie G. Using a impotent mixture of lies and invalid stats, Holden cuts and pastes the arguments of the British bookies in favour of leaving out the Liverpool maestro so that Fat Frank may continue as the midfield muppet master. If Lampard wasn't crooked, there would be little to choose between the two players, although we would still favour Gerrard, but, once Lampard's external interests are taken into account, the choice is a no-brainer (which, unfortunately for the English, was a level-of-intellect-too-far for McClaren). But, don't just take our opinion as fact. Dietrological have extensive contacts in the Italian game and, to a uomo, there is widespread disbelief that England do not build their future around Gerrard - one colleague at La Gazzetta dello Sport compares the potential of Gerrard to Totti, Zidane and Kaká. And, what is their view on Lampard? As we mentioned just last week, Inter, Milan, Barcelona, Real Madrid and Juventus all turned down the opportunity to take Fat Frank when Mourinho was wisely trying to palm him off over the summer.
International football moves in long term cycles due to the lack of a transfer system and, in the corrupt sport of English football, the windows of opportunity for meritocratic success are minimal. Its all a matter of incentives. The players that we select to be discarded have absolutely no incentive to perform to maximum effect for the national side because their paymasters at either club or bookmaker level would prefer otherwise. If you are already on £5 million a year before bonuses and merchandising and, additionally, the layers are offering you inducements to underperform, the incentive becomes a disincentive. The bookmakers and their client press hope to bridge over this window of lack of influence at managerial level by ensuring that the likes of Lampard and Owen are able to tilt the markets at pitch level until someone more suitable to the bookmaker's agenda is in the managerial hotseat. By sacking the crims, the national team could have a window of opportunity to actually win something more consequential than Andorra away. But, it is only a window of opportunity as, making the assumption that Capello plans strategically, the new reality would create a whole new batch of incentives. For example, if the bookies have no control on the national team, they will fall back on one or both of the two tactics that always work in their psychopathic hidden agendas. Firstly, coercion... One or more of the influential members of the 38 will be threatened with being outed - a common tactic in the homophobic footie world. Or secondly, cash... Everybody has their price and the bookies will be willing to dip deep into their satchels to gain ultimate control over selected key players.
As a result of the economics of corruption, the potential for international footballing success only comes once per generation and South Africa 2010 is that hotspot. Of course, the downside to Capello being successful will be the eruption of nationalistic fervour but we are able to face up to that potentiality just to see the criminalised layers get the financial beating that they thoroughly deserve at the hands of the general populace.
Oh my gosh, we would be laughing...
© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological
