Contents
1. The Cleansing Of Manchester United
2. God Bless (Darren) England
3. God Bless Albion
4. Liverpgmol
5. K AI QMA
1. The Cleansing Of Manchester United
Under Ten Hag, Manchester United failed to win any of their three Europa League games.
Under Amorim, Manchester United won every match.
Under Amorim, Sporting Lisbon were unbeaten in four Champions League games.
After he left, Sporting didn't win another match in the competition.
Good call by Ratcliffe.
Under Ten Hag, Manchester United were the most active insider trading corruption entity on the planet.
After Ten Hag and his nest of vipers were sent packing, mysteriously the entire insider trading template disappeared.
Good call by Ratcliffe.
2. God Bless (Darren) England
Last Saturday, Darren England was the VAR Official who failed to correct Michael Oliver's idiocy in sending off Lewis-Skelly of Arsenal.
Last Sunday, Darren England was the VAR Official who decided that the Brentford penalty needed to be retaken for encroachment (like there isn't encroachment on most penalty kicks).
And today, Darren England was the referee who gave Liverpool an entirely fake penalty.
Only in England do you get referees like England.
3. God Bless Albion
One of our Romanian security operators is currently combing through all of the history of past football matches to determine on how many occasions a team has lost one week by 5 goals and won the next week by 7 (i.e. a 12 goal inversion on adjacent games) in a domestic league (i.e. no cup competitions).
So far there is no example of a 12 goal swing as Nottingham Forest achieved yesterday.
The Premier League...
... where magic happens over and over again.
4. Liverpgmol
Unfortunately the magic doesn't exist in the holistic as the Premier League (along with private company the PGMOL) selects the hyperrealities ahead.
As we will be restricting output on this blog in the period ahead, below is the EPL table (as it stands on the morning of February 2nd) with the 'errors' and 'mistakes' and 'general fucking weirdness' of the match officials removed from the outcomes:
(A + figure in brackets suggests the PGMOL are , shall we say, a helpful addition to the team)
1. Arsenal 23-54 (-7)
2. Nottingham Forest 24-47 (0)
3. Manchester City 23-46 (-5)
4. Chelsea 23-46 (-6)
5. Bournemouth 24-45 (-5)
6. Liverpool 23-39 (+17)
7. Newcastle United 24-38 (+3)
8. Fulham 24-38 (-2)
9. Aston Villa 24-38 (-1)
10. Brighton & Hove Albion 24-31 (+3)
11. Crystal Palace 23-31 (-4)
12. Manchester United 23-29 (0)
13. Tottenham Hotspur 23-38 (-4)
14. Wolverhampton Wanderers 24-27 (-8)
15. Everton 23-24 (+2)
16. West Ham United 23-23 (+4)
17. Brentford 23-21 (+10)
18. Southampton 24-18 (-9)
19. Ipswich Town 24-17 (-1)
20. Leicester City 24-13 (+4)
The Premier League is a boiler room scam.
And the PGMOL is not fit for purpose.
And.
5. K AI QMA
Excitingly, the Football is Fixed Network have signed a pre-contract with a leading team to provide bespoke analytical inputs.
Clubs seem to appreciate our K AI QMA, which is nice.
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